By Sid Iyer Sequiera and Janna Agustin
Start studying for your SAT five years in advance because it’ll make the biggest difference when you take it.
Surely, the only way you’re going get into an Ivy League university is if you get an SAT score above 2300. And that’s only going to happen if you start studying years in advance. All those abstruse and superfluously recondite vocabulary words will totally guarantee a golden ticket to the college of your choice. So hurry and sign up for Seoul Education before time runs out.
Be sure to claim your cafeteria table on the first day of school and let everyone know the name of your group.
It is said high school is like a jungle. And it is. The race to the top is one that is vicious and cutthroat. That is why it is absolutely vital that you claim your table. Because as we all know, the significance of your cafeteria table is equivalent to your worth as a person.
Also keep in mind that you’re not classified as a friend group at SAS unless 1) you have a group name, and 2) you make sure the whole school knows that name. Post it on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat! Make a hashtag, have it branded, monogrammed, and even get it copyrighted.
Take at least seven APs every year as that is all that colleges care about.
It’s understandable that high school students want to be prepared going into college – that’s the reason SAS has Advanced Placement (college level) classes. That’s also why it’s smart to take at least 20 of them in your four years of high school. Nevermind the workload – it’s only a few extra hours of studying than normal classes.
Overload yourself with clubs and honor societies that are of no interest to you.
There is no doubt a huge variety of appealing clubs and Honor Societies to join each year. What better way to get involved at SAS than by joining as many as you can? Not only will it guarantee that you’ll meet countless new people and look good on your college application, but you will never have nothing to do during breaks and lunches. It’s not that important if you’re not interested in it – at least you’ll have another item to add to your college resume.
Make sure you never break dress code.
As we’re reminded countless times a day, breaking the dress code is the worst thing you can do – wearing bottoms not showing the SAS logo, rolling up shorts, wearing black yoga pants, and worst of all, not wearing a solid white or navy blue sweatshirt. Especially a navy sweater with a 2-centimeter Vineyard Vine logo – now that is a complete abomination to the Eagle Way.
You must travel to a foreign country for every three day weekend or else you’re not a real third culture kid.
Nowadays the term “third-culture kid” is thrown around carelessly. What other way to prove your “TCK” validity than to travel to impoverished countries and take a picture with street kids and post it on Instagram while lounging on the bed of your 5 star hotel. You may not have actually devoted any time or attention to expanding your cultural horizons, but it’s okay as long as you purchase ten packets of prayer flags and blatantly hang them around your room.
If you are in a relationship, be loud and proud!
If you are in a relationship at SAS, chances are nobody knows about it. Especially if you only post a photo of your boyfriend/girlfriend once a day on every social media website. So, word of advice: gyrating suggestively and mimicking the mating practices of Saharan lions is the best view for anyone in the cafeteria.
Buy a professional camera because that will guarantee you the title of “photographer.”
People say that photography is a dying art. So why not revive it by buying a $1500 DSLR? Owning a professional camera gives you the right to call yourself a photographer. Nevermind the fact that you may not have taken a photo before or that the only setting you are aware of is that green auto button. Who wouldn’t want the glory of being credited on someone’s 300-liked Facebook profile picture?
Subtweet people on Twitter on the daily rather than confront them; it’s so much healthier.
If you’re angry at someone and you want them to know it, tweet something and not tag them in it. It’s the best way for them (and for the rest of the school) to see it, and you’ll be sure to get favorites because who doesn’t like getting involved in drama that has nothing to do with them?
Don’t be a trendsetter – follow the crowd.
Whether it’s white Converse sneakers, Yik Yak, or Camelbak water bottles, be sure to hop on the bandwagon as soon as you see everybody fawning over that latest trend. And as soon as it dies down, pretend it doesn’t exist. The last thing you’d want to become is a social outcast.
Follow these steps and you are sure to become the ideal student of the most prestigious, academically-rigorous, socially-savvy and superior school in the world: SAS.